Support Come and load off your mental struggles

[Swenhir]

Since this thread is bumped... I've been heavily drinking again the past... 3 weeks, where it's kinda affecting my life in some way. One of my dogs passed away several weeks ago and I just have trouble coping, you might think this is silly but I don't know why it's so hard either.

I literally dream of my dog every morning and it haunts me because the one way to start every morning is of course waking up realizing the dream is wrong and she's no longer there. My dog was old (she was a 14 year+ old shiba) so she had trouble walking so most of my time was spent taking care of her, carrying her up and down the stairs, and taking her for a small walks every several hours, the few days before she passed when I carry her down she'd sometimes look up and stare at me like she's trying to tell me something but I did literally jack shit other than hug her, and I think about it daily, these are not so good memories of me just trying to get her to keep walking for the sake of her health and I feel like an incredibly cruel person now. My family of course have no problem "thinking of the good times" but I myself think of how shitty we probably were and how much more we could've done.

My entire schedule revolved around her, my work and sleep is revolved around her. I really don't know what I should do because now I no longer have to take care of her and I get a bunch of these "free time" that I don't know what to do with, I just start crying randomly whenever something reminds me of her, or if I just start thinking about it. I don't know if I should just try and stop thinking or try to keep thinking about it to get over it. I keep humming music in my head or just keep watching random shit so I can keep my head occupied at all times because I don't want to think or dream about it whenever I close my eyes.

Whenever I drink I get to think about how I'd start to get my shit together once this is all done but truth is when I'm sober I don't want to do shit and don't want to wake up, I'm lucky I work remotely so I could get away with this shit, but here I go downing another bottle and think it'll be better the next day only to wake up depressed and for the cycle to repeat again.

I'm so sorry, that's so intense a loss, I don't know what to say. I lost a dear one like that too, though he'd been with me not nearly as long and... Well, you always think about them, but it does get better.

I don't know what to tell you other than grieving is okay, crying is normal, and it will get better. Just try not to self-destruct, take care of yourself. It's okay not to want to do shit, hell it's normal when you are in this much grief. Give yourself a break.

The only thing I can think of that might help is trying, and possibly failing a lot, to see what you are trying to escape by drinking. The point isn't that you are being a coward or bad in any way, but that you might have a self-hating voice or something that pushes you in that direction needlessly.

Either way, I hope this advice wasn't counterproductive and I'm truly, truly sorry for your loss .

 

[Li Kao]

Just some quick observations, nowhere enough. I wish I could help more, but my life is so ruined that I avoid thinking about these matters myself.

I just have trouble coping, you might think this is silly but I don't know why it's so hard either.

Not at all. As far a I'm concerned, you lost a loved one. Fuck that noise about her being from another species. Hug you

these are not so good memories of me just trying to get her to keep walking for the sake of her health and I feel like an incredibly cruel person now.

You must realize those kind of horrible what if are bullshit. When you were trying to get her to keep walking, it was for her own good. You had her best interest in mind. Maybe you could have done differently, but my point is, at the time, you made the decision you thought was best for her.

 

[Cacher]

I maybe need help/support but i've drinked a lot wine tonight so this might go bnad.

I think i am in an "abusive" relatiomn, i really love this boyfriend of mine for like 8 months now but lately we fight a lot. It's not physical abuse or anytihnfg but mental, i alwaus try to explain things my PoV and he just refuses to see it. When i do so it just "turning things around" on him. There is never any solution to our problems unless i bow my head, take the blame, and apologize for always being wrong. I just dunoo if i can anymore.

I'm so heartbroken lately tbh. it's hard to get out of bed. We play FFXIV a lot together, it's actually how we met too, but this whole situation is just making sour on a game i love. I don't want to see him and hurt in my heart. I'm not really sure if i can break it off cleanly with him either.

sorry for bumping this old thread. mabe i jsut needed to vent a bit.

Echo, I am so sorry to know the situation you are in. As others have said, this is abusive and I can only suggest you taking a break or walking away. It is definitely not an easy thing to do, leaving the one you love. But this is probably necessary.

I am also sure that all of us don't mind you bumping old threads. Be sure to post again if you want to vent more.

 

[lashman]

I am also sure that all of us don't mind you bumping old threads.

yup, nothing wrong with that ... the "old thread" notice is only there to let us know we might not get an answer since it's an old thread

 

[PossiblyPudding]

I maybe need help/support but i've drinked a lot wine tonight so this might go bnad.

That's an abusive relationship. It's one I saw firsthand for decades with my parents and I've been in a couple myself, though for me it was abusive friendships.

My father would blame my mother for every problem and they were usually ones he caused. He would yell at her for hours sometimes, to the point where she would just shut herself away in a room crying while he was still yelling on the other side of the door.

But I fully understand that when you see the better side of someone, the part that you fell in love with, that those feelings and memories come rushing back. So I agree with what others have said that taking some time away from each other is probably the best course right now. Hopefully that will give him time to self reflect and realize how much you mean to him.

And remember don't feel like it's your fault for suggesting and going through with a break from each other. It will be better in the long run and you need to make sure to take care of yourself too. Your mental health and feelings are important, they matter. You matter. And as I said hopefully he'll come to his senses.

Since this thread is bumped... I've been heavily drinking again the past... 3 weeks, where it's kinda affecting my life in some way. One of my dogs passed away several weeks ago and I just have trouble coping, you might think this is silly but I don't know why it's so hard either.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I know all too well how hard the loss of a pet can be. It's not silly in the slightest. They're part of our families. They are with us through everything, good and bad. They never judge us and just love being near us. I'm not ashamed to admit that my cat Mitsy is one of my best friends. She's been with me through so much and it's going to devastate me when she passes.

As Swenhir said it will get easier. Coping with loss is something that affects us all differently so I can't say when but what has helped me is accepting that it's going to hurt but also trying my best to remember the good times. Try to focus on the joy she brought you. Celebrate those memories and try not to beat yourself up over things you feel you could have done differently. I know it's easier said than done, believe me, but hearing how much it has hurt you shows that you were a good friend to her. She was lucky to have you and I'm sure you were her world just as she was yours.

I would also try to lay off drinking as much. It might be helping in the short term but in the end you'll just end up feeling worse. A clearer head will help as well.

---

And this is for everyone, please don't ever feel ashamed or worried about bumping this thread no matter how long it has been. Everyone needs a place where they can come vent or unwind and folks are always here to listen or offer support whenever and no matter the reason.

I've been in a pretty bad spot recently and had almost posted in here last night myself. It's something I'll share soon.

 

[PossiblyPudding]

To share what I eluded to before I recently found out a cousin of mine passed away. We haven't been all that close for several years but he was still one of my favorite family members to be around. He was always so friendly and cheerful even when life wasn't as kind in return. Kind of like me in some ways I suppose. I really wish we had spent more time together. It hurt that I wasn't able to attend the funeral.

But the thing that hit me the hardest was how he passed. It was the same thing that my dad died from and almost the same day. I've talked before how losing my dad before Christmas really soured me on the holiday for a long time to the point that I became bitter and while I'm certain it won't happen this time it does make me a little more fearful of the holiday season now. The only real comfort is that from what I've been told is he didn't suffer and that his wife and kids were with him.

And it all capped off a week where I was already in a dark place. I've been dealing with that feeling of be alone again in addition to.. well I usually call it 'one of my darkest spots' or 'folks would be better without me around'. It's the thing I've mentioned before that sneaks into my mind a couple times a year and thankfully not more often. It's time I stop being so vague about it. It's not a pleasant topic which is why I always dance around it, but they're thoughts of suicide.

Again this is something I've discussed before, how I would never follow through. I've seen firsthand the pain it can cause to those friends and family that truly cared. I've been that person.. twice. The mom of the friend I lost still wishes him a happy birthday every year on Facebook and talks about how much she misses him. Yet I still get to the point where I have some pretty strong thoughts about it. Where I do genuinely believe folks would be happier. I get that's not true or at least hope it's not. So don't worry. I'm not going anywhere.

You're all still stuck with me for a long time.

 

[Li Kao]

This was unpleasant to read. I wish I had some great advice, but all I have right now is, use this thread, people ! It is here for you to express your hurt, be heard and get some love, help, advice.

A lot of users are suffering right now, there are at least two that are inactive who I think about regularly. Life can be really hard at times, it's true. What is not less true is that the idea that people will be happier without you is nonsense.
I love you Nate, your friendship is precious to me, and I hurt to read these lines you wrote. That being said, do not hesitate, ever, to share your hurt, here or elsewhere. We are here for you, know you are not alone, that life is a bitch for everyone, and that we will endure together.

 

[lashman]

You're all still stuck with me for a long time.

 

[Swenhir]

It's time I stop being so vague about it. It's not a pleasant topic which is why I always dance around it, but they're thoughts of suicide.

Again this is something I've discussed before, how I would never follow through. I've seen firsthand the pain it can cause to those friends and family that truly cared. I've been that person.. twice. The mom of the friend I lost still wishes him a happy birthday every year on Facebook and talks about how much she misses him. Yet I still get to the point where I have some pretty strong thoughts about it. Where I do genuinely believe folks would be happier. I get that's not true or at least hope it's not. So don't worry. I'm not going anywhere.

You are god damn right you are wrong about it .

I understand the feeling, the shame and that deep, emotional, visceral insecurity about it. I can only speculate as to the reason you feel this way but this is not a normal way to feel. Not because it's abnormal from a societal perspective, but because you simply don't deserve that view of yourself. You are a fantastic person and it is a deeply agonizing thing for one not to see it.

It might help knowing what gave you that belief, what made you believe that lie about yourself. But hold on, you deserve to be happier than this .

 

[Le Pertti]

I had a genuinely good day today, not even sure when I have ever even had those. Was pretty much my teenage selfs dream day, sex pizza and video games!

Also met someone who really wants to be with me for the long run.

But yeah so of course I get suspicious of life and wonder what will go wrong now haha. My yearly renewal of social and medical right is in process and that I am worried about. It freaked the hell out of me last year, but then I had the streets too fresh in my mind but now I have confidence that it should go alright, but it is that confidence that put me on the streets in the first place.

 

[NarohDethan]

sex pizza

Did the pizza have pineapple though

 

[Le Pertti]

Did the pizza have pineapple though

Haha no, but it did have honey!

 

[PossiblyPudding]

I love you Nate, your friendship is precious to me, and I hurt to read these lines you wrote. That being said, do not hesitate, ever, to share your hurt, here or elsewhere. We are here for you, know you are not alone, that life is a bitch for everyone, and that we will endure together.

You are god damn right you are wrong about it .

Thank you three and those that responded with hugs to my post!

While deep down I realize I should be more confident and value myself more it's that combination of trying to be perfect and feeling that I deserve nothing that I've talked about in the past. They're things that have been so ingrained in me for decades that it hasn't been easy trying to break out of that.

For example there will be times that I'm inconvenienced to the point it's uncomfortable or upsetting, taken advantage of or talked down to and I'm aware it's happening but I still accept it.

That also loops back to the abusive friendships I mentioned in one of my earlier posts. I was friends with someone for over 20 years, since I was five years old, who in the last 10 or so years of that friendship made me feel absolutely worthless. Yet we remained friends because he was one of only two friends I still had and the only one I got to hang out with in person. The saddest part is that we would still be friends today had he not outed himself as a racist. But that also means over the last almost five years I've had zero in person contact with the last remaining friend I have due to the distance between us.

So yeah, it's going to take me some time to adjust to seeing that I do make some difference, that I have some value. And I really want to thank you all for bearing with me throughout and the kindness and patience you show in reminding me of those things.

 

[Swenhir]

Thank you three and those that responded with hugs to my post!

While deep down I realize I should be more confident and value myself more it's that combination of trying to be perfect and feeling that I deserve nothing that I've talked about in the past. They're things that have been so ingrained in me for decades that it hasn't been easy trying to break out of that.

For example there will be times that I'm inconvenienced to the point it's uncomfortable or upsetting, taken advantage of or talked down to and I'm aware it's happening but I still accept it.

That also loops back to the abusive friendships I mentioned in one of my earlier posts. I was friends with someone for over 20 years, since I was five years old, who in the last 10 or so years of that friendship made me feel absolutely worthless. Yet we remained friends because he was one of only two friends I still had and the only one I got to hang out with in person. The saddest part is that we would still be friends today had he not outed himself as a racist. But that also means over the last almost five years I've had zero in person contact with the last remaining friend I have due to the distance between us.

So yeah, it's going to take me some time to adjust to seeing that I do make some difference, that I have some value. And I really want to thank you all for bearing with me throughout and the kindness and patience you show in reminding me of those things.

A lot of what you are saying rings painfully familiar to my ears. I don't want to diagnose you or anything of that nature - I don't know you, nor what you have been through and if anything else, the DSM is full of shit when it comes to understanding mental health in my opinion. But you may want to take a look at Pete Walker's "Complex PTSD : From Surviving to Thriving" book. I'm not done reading it, and I can't say that it's perfect but it does have a lot of tools that you might draw upon. If anything else, it might be validating, though it is far from the only work on the matter.

And what you are saying really reminds me of someone who hasn't been protected enough, who hasn't had their boundaries validated by their parents. I'm just really sorry .

 

[PossiblyPudding]

But you may want to take a look at Pete Walker's "Complex PTSD : From Surviving to Thriving" book.

And what you are saying really reminds me of someone who hasn't been protected enough, who hasn't had their boundaries validated by their parents. I'm just really sorry .

Oh nice! Thanks for the recommendation! I'll hopefully be able to give it a read soon.

And your guess wasn't too far off though I can't fault my mom. She was often working because she had to. My dad never stuck with any job all that long. So I did lose some time with her growing up as a result but even exhausted she always tried her best to spend time with me. In a lot of ways she's my hero knowing what she's gone through and the strength it has taken.

 

[Swenhir]

Oh nice! Thanks for the recommendation! I'll hopefully be able to give it a read soon.

And your guess wasn't too far off though I can't fault my mom. She was often working because she had to. My dad never stuck with any job all that long. So I did lose some time with her growing up as a result but even exhausted she always tried her best to spend time with me. In a lot of ways she's my hero knowing what she's gone through and the strength it has taken.

I know, I also understand why my own parents did what they did, the cycles of abuse though in their case I'd argue it is easier for me to blame them because they really did heinous things, did ignore that child's voice begging them for them to stop.

It still doesn't change that your needs were not met, and it was their responsibility. It doesn't change that something, somewhere went terribly wrong and you have all the right in the world to be angry that you weren't given what every child should. You are right, and have the right to be bitter, resentful or any other emotion of grief that regrets that you were not afforded what, as a child, as anyone's kid, you were owed.

It gets better though, I promise.

 

[「Echo」]

Ok, sorry for just disappearing like that.

First I wanted to thank you all for the advice. We did end up going on break after all. It was... very painful. I cried and cried everyday tbh. Such a baby i know. But it all worked out in the end. The break was short (maybe a week?) but it provided some perspective and we ended up being able to talk things out a lot smoother than normal. We really sat down and talked about a lot, and he really listened to me. In the end we agreed to work on our shortcomings together and we've been stronger for it every day.

Things are going really good. He makes me such a happy boy. I haven't felt this way about someone for almost a decade, I thought I never would again honestly. Sometimes we have different thoughts and approaches, he's very logical person and I'm very emotional person. It makes sparks sometimes. But when we click, we click and I wouldn't trade those feelings for the world. Ah, sorry it's getting a bit mushy lol.

While i'm here, happy new years to you my friends! May 2021 bring health, happiness, and good fortune to all of you.

 

[lashman]

While i'm here, happy new years to you my friends! May 2021 bring health, happiness, and good fortune to all of you.

 

[Swenhir]

-snip-

That's all fantastic to hear! Congratulations to you, and to him for being able to listen. I just wanted to do the obvious and say that having emotions, crying isn't being a baby. It's a wonderful thing. I wish I could vocalize pain like that, I don't think it's right to be ashamed of it .

Again, congratulations! You did amazing.

 

[PossiblyPudding]

Ok, sorry for just disappearing like that.

No worries at all! I'm glad to hear everything worked out for the better.

 

[Panda Pedinte]

This is how I felt in 2020 mostly of the time

I know nothing will change magically once 2021 starts here, but it can work as a way to turn a new page and feel that we all will have a new start.

I had some good things happening to me this year so I can't say it was all bad, though the constant worry about COVID-19, still respecting the social distancing here and avoiding to go out without reason has put a dent in my mental health.

 

[Swenhir]

You need to react to this post in order to see this content.

 

[Li Kao]

Hey, I rarely use this thread to talk about me. Why not seek help / share a little amount of the burden this year ?

Tomorrow I have a meeting with a social worker to renew my 'social contract'. Read that as a ~ bi-annual annoyance where you say you are taking specific steps to change your situation, then the local government is pleased and renew your right to obtain your monthly pittance.
Now as I already alluded elsewhere, I get the intent. As a country, you may be unwilling to distribute free candy without the assurance that the unemployed persons are trying. Problem, due to the specific nature of my mental issues, it doesn't do shit. As I said, a regularly scheduled annoyance with people that have proven time and again to be at best ineffective.
As a person who suffers from social phobia, I let you imagine my mental state, my ineffable joy.

But I also realize more and more than my life path is leading my to a dead end and things must change. Again, super good state of mind.

Will share more, maybe, not sure. It's not super pleasing to dig there.

 

[PossiblyPudding]

But I also realize more and more than my life path is leading my to a dead end and things must change. Again, super good state of mind.

Will share more, maybe, not sure. It's not super pleasing to dig there.

Things can and will change and for the better. Sadly there's no saying how soon it will happen but never give up. Social anxiety is truly horrible and not something easily overcome but what I can say is know that there's folks rooting for you and willing to offer support however they can. And I'm sure I don't need to say it but I'm one of those. You're my friend. I've always got your back.

You'll figure things out, I know it, and I"ll be here every step of the way to help if needed.

 

[Li Kao]

Shit is complicated. But shit is always complicated, ain't it.
I grow older, missing my life by a mile. Tired of that. And age helps, I'm not anxious like I was in my teens. But that reminds me of a... surprising suggestion by an unemployment worker some years ago. Maybe good ideas always seem stupid ?
She asked me why I didn't embrace my anxiety. I may have finally understood her point. I am socially anxious, and chances are, I will forever be socially anxious. Not a reason to not live my life. It's a matter of finding the right state of mind.
It's a little on the rambling side, sorry.

Tomorrow the social worker will ask me what my plans are, and the only things I can tell here is I plan to take several long needed doctors appointments (like a lot of people, Covid didn't incite me to go out) and maybe submitting a form to have an 'handicapped worker' status. Basically a status that will allow me to be employed in conditions suited to my issues, with a job partly subventionned by the state. It's no small step, and I can't say I don't dread it. But yeah, things must change.
I was born to be, like my parents, another cog in the machine, an administrative element. No heavy social interaction, a job done, a pay, everyone is happy.
But they don't really want that kind of job anymore.

Oh and the woman tomorrow will get on my balls big time, insisting I resume seeing a psy. Now that's a story for another post but I historically don't really gel with psys. Never had particularly great things happen out of them. But she will insist. And I fear my reaction. Never learned how to say no, and with time I just get frustrated, angry. This is not the kind of people you can tell to fuck off.
And before you say that a psy would be good, let me precise that I'm not saying it will never happen again. It's just that, the only good thing in my condition, in my mind, is that it is a giant ball of yarn, with several knots. And, maybe I'm delusional, but I still think untying one of the knots will be transformative. So yeah, getting, a job, or a girlfriend, a social life, or a psy etc. So yeah, let's pause it on the psy front and try something else.

I hope I wasn't unpleasant to read.

 

[Swenhir]

Hey, I rarely use this thread to talk about me. Why not seek help / share a little amount of the burden this year ?

Tomorrow I have a meeting with a social worker to renew my 'social contract'. Read that as a ~ bi-annual annoyance where you say you are taking specific steps to change your situation, then the local government is pleased and renew your right to obtain your monthly pittance.
Now as I already alluded elsewhere, I get the intent. As a country, you may be unwilling to distribute free candy without the assurance that the unemployed persons are trying. Problem, due to the specific nature of my mental issues, it doesn't do shit. As I said, a regularly scheduled annoyance with people that have proven time and again to be at best ineffective.
As a person who suffers from social phobia, I let you imagine my mental state, my ineffable joy.

But I also realize more and more than my life path is leading my to a dead end and things must change. Again, super good state of mind.

Will share more, maybe, not sure. It's not super pleasing to dig there.

I know the feeling. Being judged by people who don't understand you nor how it feels, who have negative stocks of empathy and kindness, and who ask for results instead of showing a better, kinder way. I tend to be terrified of such judgments and situations since they amount to saying no to your own needs, to playing a comedy that cuts deep in order to achieve a result. It's horrible.

On a more positive note, I think that being kind to yourself, trying to realize that time is long and that you've probably moved ahead and improved/healed a lot over the years, more than you realize helps temper these negative thoughts. I recognize that way of thinking, that over-simplified, depressed, factually wrong "Nothing I do as who I am ever works" belief.

Did I mention it's wrong? Because it is .

 

[Wok]

And before you say that a psy would be good, let me precise that I'm not saying it will never happen again. It's just that, the only good thing in my condition, in my mind, is that it is a giant ball of yarn, with several knots. And, maybe I'm delusional, but I still think untying one of the knots will be transformative. So yeah, getting, a job, or a girlfriend, a social life, or a psy etc. So yeah, let's pause it on the psy front and try something else.

Out of the all plans which you listed, getting help from a psychiatrist about your social phobia seems to me like a good first step to unlock the other plans. Then it could be easier to find a job, which should then help with the social life (because you have colleagues and you have money to spend for leisure), and then maybe find a companion.

Or slightly differently, like Monooboe, who has been getting help from a psychiatrist for quite some time, then has been actively looking for a companion (cf. Dating thread), and recently started following courses to get a job as a (possibly freelance) developer. Is that correct, Monooboe? What do you think about help from psychiatrists or psychologists? I think they can help in cases where the situation appears locked in a bad state.

Plus, I believe the social worker should be able to get you help from a psychiatrist for free (or close to) in France.

 

[Swenhir]

My personal experience with psychologists is that there are a wide, terrifying range of possible qualities and strong points for them. Most of them have been ignorant, re-traumatizing assholes for me. I would be rather inclined to understand his not wanting to get one, and it's not the only way to trigger a virtuous spiral in my opinion. I'd argue that not asking the impossible of himself, and to do what he can instead of berating himself for what he can't should be a priority .

That's not even touching how terrible psychiatrists are, at least in my opinion. They are well-versed in medicine prescribing, and few of them appear to know anything about people's mind and mental health subtleties. They have been remarkable useless in my case and only my own research and use of literature has helped. A good professional would be a godsend, but there's no way to separate wheat from chaff and each attempt is costly and hurtful.

 

[Le Pertti]

Wok Yeah you are right, I've been seeing a psychiatrist for a few years now and she has been great! But when I started seeing her it was more of necessity of dealing from the hardship of living on the streets. She is sometimes quite frustrating in that she never suggest solutions, she is mostly just there to aid me to find my own ways to do things but in a healthy way, when I am doing something horrible she helps me try to explore why I am.

But now I am at a much better space and I can't see how could be here without with help of my psychiatrist, sometimes it can be just having someone talk to who isn't part of my life.

One thing to note about going to a psychiatrist is that at beginning, or when I was in bad places, after a session I would feel absolutely horrible but that is part of the process, since it does involve digging out all bad shit hidden inside.

 

[Li Kao]

Out of the all plans...

I guess this is as good an occasion as any to develop on the 'story for another post'.
Let me first say that I don't think psy are useless, and also fully admit I'm very probably partly to blame for my past failed experiences with them.

Psy 1 (pre-teen)
At that time I'm super shy and never go out alone. I know nothing about navigating a city alone.
'For our second session, you will come alone, by public transportation.'
'I see you are the kind to put claustrophobic people in a closet. I hopefully never will see you again.'

Psy 2 (late teen, early adulthood)
We hadn't the best relationship, partly because it was pretty evident to him and me that I was seeing him in order to avoid military service (let me remind you I have social phobia, the perspective of leaving my house for months to live with a pack of strangers was not my cup of tea).
He drove me up the wall with shit like...
'You internalize too much.'
'What do you mean, what can I do ?'
'You tell me.'

Psy 3 (10-15 years ago, I was in a bad place)
'Ok, I go on holidays tomorrow, until I come back you stop reading news, stop coffee and promise me you won't kill yourself'.
She terrified me more than my anxiety.

Psy 4
Sent by the social worker I have to see today. No sparks at all, no chemistry, just a random guy in my eyes.
He decided my anxiety meds are outdated. I agree !
He then decided, instead of trying to diminish them and put small doses of another one at the same time, that I had to quit cold turkey before taking another treatment. What any idiot could predict happened, several weeks in I hit bottom and was in a killing myself mood. What a fucking surprise.

Again, I'm not the best with psy, I can totally acknowledge my shortcomings. This post is mainly illustrative.
And yeah, what will probably come to your mind, and is on the mind of the woman I will go see today, is that I need to resume seeing Psy 4. It's, I admit, not a bright idea to stop there. He made some strange decision but there is room to continue. Issue is, I don't want to see this man again.
Having been a little educated on the subject during my philosophy classes a lifetime ago, I know that it is not a good thing to gel too much with your psy, that you risk 'projection'. I know. But I still want to like my psy a little bit.

One takeaway that is on me and not on me, let's say a key to my behavior with these people, is in Psy 2. I need active help, I don't really know how to handle or care about passive help, which is their whole point. The moment we hit the 'tell me how you can help yourself' phase of the discussion I roll my eyes so hard that I have an out of body experience.

 

[PossiblyPudding]

I hope I wasn't unpleasant to read.

Not unpleasant at all. It's good to get this all out there when you feel ready to talk about things. Holding stuff in and letting it fester only makes it worse, to the point that it consumes you and you feel worthless or you become irrationally bitter. I know that all too well and it sometimes hurts people I care about as a result which in turn only makes me feel worse.

You're right that once one piece falls into place the rest should follow rather quickly but try not to stress too much if it's slow going at the start. Don't let that discourage you. Stay focused on one of those goals and I'm confident it will happen for you. I've mentioned before that you're a far stronger and smarter person than you sometimes give yourself credit for.

 

[Swenhir]

-snip-

I am unfortunately Jack's complete lack of surprise, though I sympathize deeply. I think I saw something like 8 and it was pretty much the same. They were unable to even remotely comprehend abuse and how it feels. Validation isn't even on the agenda and all the discussion angles were either "What are you doing wrong" or just blandly listening and taking a check by the end. I've had friends orders of magnitude more supportive and helpful than this.

I personally think that gelling well with a therapist is a good thing, because you feel more intimate and comfortable sharing things where you might need to change, but there is indeed a risk of dependency, where you start treating them like an oracle and have an unhealthy reliance on them. It's understandable though, and as professionals, would be aware of that and take steps to either gently avoid it or mitigate it when you are in an especially vulnerable time. I think that "try harder", that pushing you more than you want to and guilt-tripping you should never happen within those sessions.

Still, getting help is the right thing to do, I just wish it didn't feel like a wide field littered with incompetence-filled landmines. I've heard miraculous stories of professionals and I myself thought I had one for two sessions until she regurgitated 60 years-old, victim-blaming vague accusations that were rooted in alcoholism, not emotional abuse. It showed me that a lot of them just go by templates and formulas rather than actually understanding mental health itself.

 

[Swenhir]

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[lashman]

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[Swenhir]

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[lashman]

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[Li Kao]

I know this won't help, but stay safe Swenhir

 

[Swenhir]

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[Anteater]

oof I'm getting these horrible moodswings.

 

[Li Kao]

I'm in a bad, good, err... weird place these days.

- So yeah I don't really feel like doing anything, just sleep, eat, and sleep again, fucking up my sleeping cycle.

But on the other hand, I feel like flipping every fucking tables (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
Toying with ideas, watching them brew and hoping they materialize.

- I feel this urge to wash my living room walls, yellowed by cigarette smoke. Maybe add some plants. Tidy things up, stop living in a cave.

- Also, super unrelated, I get these urges to tell my social phobia to go die in a corner and finally try to speak to my Internet friends via voice (!) The very idea is super terrifying to my brain, but I'm fed up of listening to my fears. What's the worst that can happen ? Butchering English and barely saying anything because of anxiety ? That wouldn't be worse than not trying.

And as I'm full of myself and think I say some good shit some times, here is a little thing I wrote to a dear friend on Discord, to summarize my mindset :

'It would be nice if for once technology gave us something really good, as in fully embracing the idea that we are never alone now, if we want to
I mean at first glance I would say it's not the same, old school thinking, but on the other hand on the Internet you can talk with people that you really like and have things in common
While I'm a firm believer in being a good neighbour, I sure as fuck can't talk boardgame, rpg, or pretty much anything with mine
The world has changed, it has shrunk, let's not leave it to fanatics spouting conspiracy theories.'

Oh yeah and :
'I think that, on some level, while I didn't feel the loneliness of 2020 like other people, being already shut in, I kinda feel the return to life of people in general could be a good opportunity to try it myself.'

So... I'm in a weird place alright.

 

[Le Pertti]

Man 2021 sure didn't start nicely. Seems I've lost rights to social security. I've sent in all that was needed and they even shown that they have gone through them with green checkmarks but still my right are not in force. So no money and now just wait till I get thrown out from the apartment. I've asked for help from a social worker but she even doesn't understand why I lost my right.

Haven't been able to concentrate on class all day, I try to follow but when teacher asked why not everyone hasn't sent in the assignment I didn't know which assignment haha!

But yeah I don't really intend to return to the streets, just I hope I have the strength to end things before that happens.

 

[Swenhir]

Man 2021 sure didn't start nicely. Seems I've lost rights to social security. I've sent in all that was needed and they even shown that they have gone through them with green checkmarks but still my right are not in force. So no money and now just wait till I get thrown out from the apartment. I've asked for help from a social worker but she even doesn't understand why I lost my right.

Haven't been able to concentrate on class all day, I try to follow but when teacher asked why not everyone hasn't sent in the assignment I didn't know which assignment haha!

But yeah I don't really intend to return to the streets, just I hope I have the strength to end things before that happens.

That sounds horrifying, and please try to reach out or... I don't know. We need you! I can only hope the situation gets sorted out, this feels straight out of a dystopia.

 

[Le Pertti]

That sounds horrifying, and please try to reach out or... I don't know. We need you! I can only hope the situation gets sorted out, this feels straight out of a dystopia.

Yeah it is not easy, my social worker said many have gotten their right revoked, but yeah the world is falling apart so it was bound to happen. I have a meeting next week so lets see what they say.

Worst part is, I need to pretend everything is fine to my girlfriend until I know for sure what happens. Because the moment I say I have severe money issues she will be gone. She fully expect me to take care of her and she only accept me in current state because she sees that I'm have basic money but working on getting better work.

So if there isn't anything to do about my rights and I'm again without money, about to loose my place and to top it off I will loose my girlfriend then yeah I can't see me handling that well. As I said I just don't have it in me to go back to living on the street.

 

[Swenhir]

Yeah it is not easy, my social worker said many have gotten their right revoked, but yeah the world is falling apart so it was bound to happen. I have a meeting next week so lets see what they say.

Worst part is, I need to pretend everything is fine to my girlfriend until I know for sure what happens. Because the moment I say I have severe money issues she will be gone. She fully expect me to take care of her and she only accept me in current state because she sees that I'm have basic money but working on getting better work.

So if there isn't anything to do about my rights and I'm again without money, about to loose my place and to top it off I will loose my girlfriend then yeah I can't see me handling that well. As I said I just don't have it in me to go back to living on the street.

That sounds horrifyingly stressful. I hope you'll be alright, you are someone that I have seen really do amazing things to make your life better. You deserve better than this. I'm a bit too tired to know what to say but I wish you the best and hope they realize how much of a death sentence this could be.

 

[Le Pertti]

That sounds horrifyingly stressful. I hope you'll be alright, you are someone that I have seen really do amazing things to make your life better. You deserve better than this. I'm a bit too tired to know what to say but I wish you the best and hope they realize how much of a death sentence this could be.

Thanks! I know MC can't give me solutions, but this thread is the only place I felt I could even talk about it.

 

[Swenhir]

Thanks! I know MC can't give me solutions, but this thread is the only place I felt I could even talk about it.

Haha, I fell into that trap of people who give up helping just because they can't figure out a solution. Sorry! That really is a horrible situation though, I can't imagine what's going through your head right now.

 

[Le Pertti]

Haha, I fell into that trap of people who give up helping just because they can't figure out a solution. Sorry! That really is a horrible situation though, I can't imagine what's going through your head right now.

Yeah can't concentrate on anything. Knowing that either it gets magically fixed, or that I have a painful period of not having money, loosing access to internet and phone, then after a few months they will throw me out and then it's just being on the street again. Mostly now it is that I just know what to do about anything. And it feels I'm about to loose everything and can't do anything about it and all that I can do will have to go through the slow French bureaucracy . Hell this mess right now, I sent in the papers in the start of December and it was only now that they read them, so me not having the papers in order, there just wasn't any time left to fix anything because the rent was supposed to be paid already and I only have 90 euros in my bank account. I might an aid for 150 euro soon but that will only be enough for phone, internet and such.

So yeah even if this is fixable, it will take such time that life will be fucked either way.

 

[Swenhir]

Yeah can't concentrate on anything. Knowing that either it gets magically fixed, or that I have a painful period of not having money, loosing access to internet and phone, then after a few months they will throw me out and then it's just being on the street again. Mostly now it is that I just know what to do about anything. And it feels I'm about to loose everything and can't do anything about it and all that I can do will have to go through the slow French bureaucracy . Hell this mess right now, I sent in the papers in the start of December and it was only now that they read them, so me not having the papers in order, there just wasn't any time left to fix anything because the rent was supposed to be paid already and I only have 90 euros in my bank account. I might an aid for 150 euro soon but that will only be enough for phone, internet and such.

So yeah even if this is fixable, it will take such time that life will be fucked either way.

Would having money to pay right now somehow fix things? Or is it more about the general monthly process itself and access to the housing itself that is endangered?

And I can't say enough how much I sympathize. I know the horror of this sort of fear and dread, I wish I could take it all away and help more . It is incredibly hard, and you must be on edge something incredible and horrible.

 

[Le Pertti]

Would having money to pay right now somehow fix things? Or is it more about the general monthly process itself and access to the housing itself that is endangered?

And I can't say enough how much I sympathize. I know the horror of this sort of fear and dread, I wish I could take it all away and help more . It is incredibly hard, and you must be on an edge sharper than a scalpel.

Yeah sure not having money is huge, just eating will be a hassle, I have to rely on soup kitchens and even knowing how the function these days with the pandemic. But yeah it is also just general upkeep like buying basic things, toilet paper and all that.

But mostly it is since I lost the right I got thrown out of the system, meaning it will be hell to get back in. I already lost the aid for rent which was supposed to be in already.

 

[Swenhir]

Yeah sure not having money is huge, just eating will be a hassle, I have to rely on soup kitchens and even knowing how the function these days with the pandemic. But yeah it is also just general upkeep like buying basic things, toilet paper and all that.

But mostly it is since I lost the right I got thrown out of the system, meaning it will be hell to get back in. I already lost the aid for rent which was supposed to be in already.

I don't want to probe at this too much because I don't want to make you feel more fear than you do right now. So your entry in the system has been removed and you have to do the whole process over again? Or can it be reverted?